Day 321: Glass Cannon

“I am glad that I paid so little attention to good advice; had I abided by it I might have been saved from some of my most valuable mistakes.”

-Gene Fowler

Through all the rushing hustles
And the hustling rushes
And during raucous silences
And hush-hush commotions
With the chittering chatters
And the mindless mutterings
Of your matterful matters
On vowelful platters
Of all sorts of shapes
And colors and hues
And sizes
And smells
I wrinkle my nose
Then formulate my prose
Of what I ought
But not naught
To be
To see
To do
To undo
I ponder for moment
Just for a little while
Just to take a breath
Just for a wee while
Should I motion a motion?
To pronounce a notion
Especially a question
That I would like to protest
That my hopes
Many of them
Maybe dreams
Some I do have
My aspirations
My wishes
Few in mind
Though nice at first
Are they all
After all
But a waste?

Sometimes, I am filled with suitable ideas of what I want to do later in life. After all, I don't want to be stuck in a career that I absolutely detest. I wouldn't want to work in some financial firm, even though I might make bank and get to do a lot of things that I want to do later in life. But where's the sense in that? I would much rather team up with others in some NGO and do some developmental work in a third world country.

But the more and more I relish on such thoughts, I find myself asking that ugly and dreadful question, "What if this/that is not what I'm meant to do?"

I feel like a glass cannon much at times. Being fearless can, after all, lead to undesirable outcomes. I'm totally not afraid of doing what I'm meant to do or what I passionately want to achieve, but what I am afraid of is being wrong. I feel that being wrong about it when you're 40 years down into life is just horrible.