Day 120: Know your priorities. Seriously. And succeed.

Feeling mixed feelings, regret and anger
Listening to Di.Fm @ trance channel
It's 2:36 PM

I just looked up my semester grade for this past spring semester. And I said in my head, "SHIT." But what can I do, now? Learn. Learn. Learn from your past mistakes and apply it to your life.

Why? Because it gets more cutthroat and serious as life goes on?

These past few weeks, I've had one too many conversations to think of the subject at matter as mere coincidence. Fong said it. Yok said it. My host parents have said it. My parents have said it. My parents' friends have said it, and my friends' parents have said it. Far too many people have said it, but I keep forgetting.

Know your priorities. That's the first thing. Know where they lie, and know what they are to you. Set them, and stick to it. Simple as that, but not so simple as it sounds. It takes an incredible amount of willpower, dedication, and effort - especially more so when you don't have the brains to make up for it.

Damn.

This makes ICS look like poop.

By the way, I got my Canon EOS Rebel XS in the mail! I'm so excited :D

Anyways. I pledge not to ever look at my grades again. It just adds unnecessary stress to my already stressed out life. I'm not doing this because I'm so concerned over my grades, how they would match up with others', how I can get into the honor roll, and all that jazz. It's because I don't know what my priorities are, and because of that, I don't know where to focus my efforts. Like my Econ class. I'm so happy with an A- because I learned how to study for the class in the middle of the semester. And I made myself study the RIGHT way by not just knowing, but understanding the idea BEHIND the concepts and its applications.

But then again, Middlebury College offers so much, a hundred times more things that ICS did not. It's so easy for me to get distracted, and I believe that unless I move my ass to take real action, it might be a long time for me to even become who I want to be. It's now. Not next week. Not next day, even. It's now or never. I don't care if I'm an 18 year old who just graduated from high school yesterday. Today is the right day. Putting it off for a week will turn into two. Then a month goes by. A few years disappear. The next thing you know, you're a man in your fifties still working nine to five, struggling to feed your family while paying all your bills and all that shit. The next thing you know, who knows? You might be some 65 year old on a fixed income bitching to that waitress to give you your senior discount because that $0.89 really makes a difference on your finances.

But really.

I can say this now. I can say this many times, multiple times, many a million times to myself, but nothing may change. Will I take action? Or is this just a mere fantasy, a crazy illusion that I set up for myself? Will everything stay the same even if I do at least something? Are heroes born or are they made?

What do I want out of life? What do I want out of getting good grades, and going to a good graduate school? Am I asking the right questions?

When all is said and done, what's left?