Day 80: How to Not Be Happy II

Feeling somewhat wired
It's 2:18 AM
Outside temperature is a shockin' 38' Fahrenheit
You can see your own breath! In April!!
Sometimes it even snows! WTF!

Every now and then, I see particular people who are emotionally pressed mainly because of their abstract, unfulfilled expectations. And this most usually comes fully bubble wrapped in issues and matters that have to do with "unsatisfactory" test scores and grade point averages, financial roadblocks, uncertainty in their immediate future, career problems, life problems, etc etc. You think your problems are so important!

Lighten up for real. Damn.

My cousin in Korea, 27, just graduated from college with a degree in mathematics. He doesn't know what to really do with his life, because since high school, he had to take care of his grandmother, currently 97 years old, all the while having a teaching job at a private math prep institution getting paid minimum, tutoring students, giving a regular allowance to his grandmother and parents (his father is a taxi driver in Seoul), applying for a real job after graduation, and taking two years off his miserable life for mandatory military service.

And you complain and rant about the possibility of not getting into medical school, law school, some-really-important school, and whatnot. And you rave and grumble about not getting what you want, like that snazzy iPod or some shiny new laptop. Go die. He can't really afford to get a new phone or upgrade his dying 7-year old Windows 98.

His TOEFL and TOEIC scores aren't that great enough to even attract the slightest attention from company employers that are completely unwilling to hire anyone who isn't the best of the best from the beginning anyway in this Godforsaken time of global economic catastrophe.

And you complain and rant about not getting a super high wage job in the near future, like after going to med school, law school, or that oh-so-important school somewhere in the US of A. For your gramma's sake, some people can't even get a damn job.

So what is he doing now? Still working. Still hanging in there with his other friends from his college that are pretty much going through the same thing, and of course, even worse circumstances. Still breathing. Still taking care of his 97 year old grandmother. He gave up looking for a job, and now he is looking to go into grad school, because nobody is wanting to hire him anyway. All he hopes to do is land a job after grad school, work, get married, have kids, and die, hopefully happily. Oh, if you were in his shoes, wouldn't you want your grandmother to pass away already? You've been taking care of her since 10 years ago...

If this made you feel better, than you should go do something nasty to yourself, like get yourself run over by a tractor. Afterwards, I recommend you to reevaluate your life, and reevaluate your shitty attitude and shitty outlook towards life. Maybe then, just MAYBE, your life won't seem really shitty anymore.

And if you feel somewhat down, somewhat bad, somewhat depressed again because your life doesn't seem so good, then go Google pictures of starving, malnourished, impoverished human beings in Africa and other parts of the world, like this kid in the picture here. You just don't feel sympathetic towards them because they don't look like real people to you. You just don't realize that they are damned real people, and you damned probably never will.


Lighten up for real, and change your attitudes. Get real. Grow up. Be down to earth. Humble yourself.

If you feel like either you've been wrongly victimized or I've been wrongly accusing people, try actually reading what I'm trying to get across this time, or go on to do some more self-exploration.

Day 72: The R-Word

Feeling extremely tired and full
It's 9:12 PM
I'm in the Main Library

I'm sure you've read the post about me using that dangerous R-word in my environmental science paper almost a month ago. A friend of mine (whose name I will not reveal) forwarded me a Middlebury e-mail about the R-word that made me laugh:

From: Cordelia Ross
Sent: Thursday, April 16, 2009 3:47 PM
To: McLean, Ann
Subject: R*t@rd: the damaging effects of the R-word

Dear Ann,

Please pass along the below message from the Psychology Club to PSYC majors & minors. Thank you!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Psych students,

The Psychology Club has organized a presentation and discussion on 4/22/09 titled "R*t@rd: the damaging effects of the R-word", with members of Speak Up! Addison County. Speak Up! Addison County is a self-advocacy group developed and operated by adults in the community living with developmental disabilities. They will be covering topics such as: special education, self-advocacy, Special Olympics, the film Tropic Thunder (flagrant uses of the R-word), and the daily challenges of living with a disability. It should be a very interesting presentation/discussion and we hope to see you there!


Title: R*t@rd: the damaging effects of the R-word
Date: Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Time: 5:00 PM
Location: MBH 219


Please see the attached poster for more information. We appreciate your support. Thank you!


Sincerely,

Cordelia Ross & Louisa Michl

But I still have to say that I used the term correctly!! I have done nothing wrong!

Day 71: How to Not Be Happy I

Feeling like just got kicked in the butt

Listening to On Bended Knees - Boys II Men

In the Ross Commons Office

At 2:15 in the morning

How is it that people can be so unhappy not sometimes, but almost always? Is it because of such horrendously unfortunate circumstances that lead them down to this path?

How is it that people can be so unsatisfied with where they are right now? Is it because they willfully turn a blind eye on all things good in their life?

How is it that people can count only their sorrows, miseries, and misfortunes, but not their blessings? Is it because of our selfish nature, our predominating feeling of loss for all the better things that could have happened instead of a feeling of gratitude in all the worse that did not?

Day 69: Rowing quotes

Feeling dreadful about tomorrow's microecon midterm
Outside temperature right now is 50' Fahrenheit
It's clear and humidity level is 29%
It's only 6:24 PM

As few of my friends outside of Middlebury know, I joined the Middlebury Crew club two months ago, and it has been a very wild ride. It also sucks the life out of you. The 2-and-a-half-hour practices are everyday of the week except Sundays. Since spring break two weeks ago, there have been races every Saturday against schools like Bowdoin, Amherst, and University of Vermont.

So, I'm just putting these quotes I've found in places here and there that kind of motivate me to push harder during practices.

"Marathon runners talk about hitting 'the wall' at the twenty-third mile of the race. What rowers confront isn't a wall; it's a hole - an abyss of pain, which opens up in the second minute of the race. Large needles are being driven into your thigh muscles, while your forearms seem to be splitting. Then the pain becomes confused and disorganized, not like the windedness of the runner or the leg burn of the biker but an all-over, savage unpleasantness. As you pass the five-hundred-meter mark, with three-quarters of the race still to row, you realize with dread that you are not going to make it to the finish, but at the same time the idea of letting your teammates down by not rowing your hardest is unthinkable...Therefore, you are going to die. Welcome to this life."
-Ashleigh Teitel

"All your life you are told the things you cannot do; all your life they will say you’re not good enough or strong enough or talented enough; they will say you’re the wrong height or the wrong weight or the wrong type to play this or be this or achieve this. They will tell you no, a thousand times no, until all the no's become meaningless. All your life they will tell you no quite firmly and very quickly. But you will tell them yes."

"The best pace is suicide pace, and today is a good day to die."

"The self-destructive way to do it is to convince yourself that 'there's just one more to go' and pull out at about a 1:30. If, and only if, you can convince your body that it's only got one stroke left, you can really empty the tank (and, immediately afterwards, your stomach)."

"The window of X Factor opportunity opens up in the closing seconds of a race--you might be sprinting at the time or just hanging one, trying to get across the finish line. With a supreme act of will, you can prolong your effort, essentially fighting off the inevitable lactic acid shutdown. You'll have little time for contemplating the options: either wholeheartedly go for it, or back off. You must train your X Factor to unequivocally respond the way you want--go for it. Once the window is closed, it's closed forever." -Brad Alan Lewis

"We can't have a perfect world, but hopefully there is at least a balance between times when you say to yourself, "This sucks," and times when you say, "This Rocks!" I guess as rowers we should have a bit of an edge on other people. We erg 10 and 12k on the side to get ahead, row in cold, rain, sleet, barge wakes, snow; and then to top it all off, when we go up and over heads, a torrent of water comes pouring down on our heads. But then for 20 minutes on a brisk fall day or 6 minutes on an equally brisk spring day we push to the max, feeling on the verge of dying, then we cross the line first, and the pain, the cold, wetness, blisters, and even the frost on our brows doesn't matter, as it is all swept away in a wave of victorious jubilation and most importantly, satisfaction. As in rowing, academics and many aspects of life are hard work, and I think I'd pull a 15k over writing a paper or physics problem set any day. But when academic work gets hectic, WE REMEMBER the hundreds of thousands of meters we've dug out of lakes and ergs with our bare and often frostbitten hands, and we know beyond the shadow of any doubt that there is nothing that can truly resist our power. I say this not just to remind you, but also to write it out for myself so that I never forget. And when I'm racing this Sunday, I will remember every subfreezing degree, 12k, wake, and frickin’ legs-only-make-my-back-hurt workout that is fueling the burning desire to destroy boats that would resist me. With that, I now begin my physics homework, which is presenting considerable resistance... but it's still futile.”
-Vesty Black, Ignatius Chicago, Class of 2005

Day 58: My Favorite Professor So Far

Feeling sleep deprived
It's 22:00 PM
We have a crew race against UMass and Bowdoin this weekend
Cheer for Middlebury in your hearts!! Haha!

"You will bitch, piss, and moan, and... I won't care."

-Penny Campbell, Middlebury College lecturer in dance, while giving instructions on a future assignment


"Where the hell is Matt? Damn."

-Penny Campbell, looking for Matt