Day 23: A Criticism

Feeling pressured to not procrastinate
Outside temperature is 4' Celsius and it's sunny
I'm inside the Main Library again

Before I begin to say what I have to say, let me tell you that this applies to other real world situations and other college communities. And even though I have been here for only a brief amount of time, these are just interpretations of what I'm seeing so far.

And let me tell you: that I admit that I myself am a victim of my own words that I am going to spill out here, so that you don't have to call me a hypocrite.

Self-awareness is the half-way milestone of self-correction.

Anyway.

Middlebury College has a variety of kinds of people, but there is a commonality that connects many of them together.

Middlebury College is loaded with people that lack self-confidence, self-esteem, pride, and guts. Most of those that do actually have their inner strength stem from their academic greatness (aka intelligence) or from the small social group that they hang out with (aka clicks, cliques, gangs).

Studying at a liberal arts college is like coming out of a bubble, but these people are just putting themselves back in them again by not taking steps out of their comfort zones.

They are too scared to offend others.

They are too scared to say what's on their mind.

They are too scared to express themselves.

They are too scared to take a stance.

They are too scared to make enemies.

They are too scared to be humiliated.

They are too scared to make errors.

They are too scared to take risks in so many things.

They are too scared to be alone.

They are too scared of too many things.

And personally, these kind of people are a turn off for me. Have some guts. Have some balls. You can't please everyone in the world, and a lot of people don't want to realize that yet. In fact, you know who your real friends are when you take a stance against values and ideas that are contradictory to you, and you know who your enemies are as well. The good that comes out of this is that you are taking a stance. And it's not an easy step to take - I hope you know that already.

Here I will finish with a quote. I hope you get more out of your life by doing things you wouldn't normally do.

And please, being drunk while doing "brave things" does not count. Never. Ever.

"If you don’t have the guts to step outside of your comfort zones, you will never grow and change as a person. If being well liked is more important than being yourself, then you will never say anything of value and you will never have true friends. If you don’t have the balls to be hated, then you don’t deserve to be loved."

-Blogger "Elvis"

Day 22: Activities, Activities

Feeling sleep deprived for real
Listening to Les Pecheurs De Perles - Au Fond Du Temple Saint by George Bizet
It's 3:14 AM and NEGATIVE 16 degrees Celsius outside
I'm taking a break from reading an environmental science textbook, which I'll have to use to write a paper that's due this morning

Last week, a student activities fair pamphlet read that there were over 150 student-led organizations around campus. That's a fairly large amount for a campus with 2600+ students.

I mean, what can I say? Students here LOVE doing activities because it makes them feel productive, significant, and like a part of a certain community.

I get to use the Internet maybe 5 minutes a day (just to check my school webmail, most of the time), and several days ago, I received an invitation by e-mail asking us Febs to run for the Feb Freshman senator position on the SGA (Student Government Association) on campus.

On a side note, some groups here in Middlebury College "have a lot of power". It's kind of funny (or not) how so many kinds of activities and such are so intense and taken so seriously in college. Maybe that's what it will be like in life after college? I mean, maybe as people get older, their desire/need for goals and accomplishments grow bigger and more important?

Anyway, I'm not getting into SGA. I don't think I'm wanting to get myself into school politics (and either way, it's totally different from high school).

I would rather try out things I have never done in the past! Don't you think it's more fun to get a taste of all the things your new environment can offer you?

Of course, I'm not saying that you should never do something you've done before, but instead "BE OPEN MINDED". A lot of people here tend to think that they have open minds and are willing to think in different ways, but - hell says N-O. For apparent reasons. I mean, it's a liberal arts school.

Anyway, to whoever is reading this, I challenge you to step out of your comfort zone and try out completely new things. Things you've never done before. Things you've never even thought of doing.

I need to go finish my essay, so here I'll leave you with an interesting e-mail I got today (or at least I thought it was interesting, in several ways). Maybe you will learn something that's very subtle?

Statement of Resignation

Dear Students,

Please allow me to take a moment of your time to express a message of great importance to me. This past year has been an unbelievable experience for me filled with many highs and lows, opportunities and challenges, and a fair share of accomplishments and shortcomings. It has been a true honor and a privilege to represent such an amazing group of people in a number of different capacities over the past few months. I have cherished my time as President, as a student leader, and as your peer, and will take much away in terms of wisdom, personal growth, friendships and memories as a result. It is therefore with a mixture of both great appreciation and sadness that I write you today to announce (and for some confirm) my official resignation as President of the Student Government Association (SGA). I will be taking time off this semester to be at home with my family and recooperate mentally, physically, and emotionally from what has been a strenuous and eventful academic year.

While I am in no way obligated to do so (a point which has been made abundantly clear by friends, family, and members of the administration), I would like to briefly explain the reasoning for my departure with the full understanding that I will not be able to adequately convey all of the details and influential factors of this situation, both for reasons of confidentiality and complexity. I am stepping down as president of the SGA because I violated the terms of the academic honor code we all signed in our first-year as Middlebury students, and as a result I have been asked to take a semester off from campus.

There were a number of medical and personal complications which hindered my academic performance over the course of the fall and winter term, and I fell behind in my work. In my frantic attempt to get caught up in my work, I did not take my usual precautions in insuring I cited everything properly in my assignments, a mistake which would prove very costly. As a consequence of this carelessness, I improperly cited some sources and missed others entirely, and therefore committed plagiarism. I received notification over February break of the possible infractions, and upon looking over my work, also came to the conclusion that I had indeed plagiarized, at which time I took full-responsibility for my mistakes.

Although the infraction was unintentional, it was still a violation of the academic honor code, and I am now owning up to the consequences of my actions. Again, while I was not obligated to disclose any of this information, I believe as a matter of principle that part of the process of owning up to my mistakes is confronting them and acknowledging their existence, so that I can rectify the situation, rather than trying to avoid or hide them. I would therefore like to apologize to the student body. As a Middlebury Senior and a student leader, you and I both have come to expect better, and I am sorry for failing in that regard. Believe me, there is no one that feels worse about this situation than I, and I do hope you can forgive me.

I also hope, however, that no one feels sorry for me either, for I do not feel sorry for myself. I am not ashamed of my mistakes, failures, or shortcomings. A bit embarassed, yes, and I regret that these things happened the way they did, but I am certainly not ashamed. We are all human, and we all make mistakes—admittedly some worse than others, but what matters most is how we deal with our mistakes and overcome our failures. In the words of the great writer Paulo Coelho, “Defeat exists, but not suffering. A true warrior knows that when he loses a battle he is improving the skill with which he wields a sword. He will be able to fight more skillfully next time.” I look forward to taking some time off, and coming back to finish my academic career at with strength and vigor.

So what happens next? There will be a special midterm election in the next two weeks for a new president of the SGA who will finish out the rest of the year. Antoinette Rangel will act as President of the SGA in the interim period. An Election Council consisting of five students will be selected within the next day or so, and will be responsible for running the election. There will be an information session for the SGA positions available (SGA President, Junior Class Senator, Freshman Feb Senator, and Brainerd Commons Senator) and over the weekend students who wish to be candidates for these positions will need to gather student signatures and write a letter of intent before they can run for office. Anyone may run for SGA President, but you must be a Junior to run for Junior Senator, Freshman Feb to run for Freshman Feb Senator, and in Brainerd Commons to run for Brainerd Commons Senator. Once the candidates are approved by the Senate, campaigning will be allowed to officially begin. For a full 24 hours, from Noon on Thursday of next week (March 5^th) to Noon on Friday (March 6^th) students will be able to log on electronically to vote.

In closing, I would like to be "real" with you all for a second and leave you with the following: in times of great crisis lies great opportunity. As a result of the economic recession and the budget deficit of the college, we are in a unique time at Middlebury where a number of decisions will be made over the course of the next few years that will significantly change the structure, programming, and operations of the College for many years to come. As students, we are a significant part of the Middlebury community (we are, after all, who this institution is created for). Our tuition accounts for a substantial portion of the endowment. We live on campus, and we are given four years to make most of our time here. Therefore, we should have some say in the decisions being made on campus.

The Student Government Association is the tool the students have been provided to represent the voice of the student body on all matters. Therefore, you need to ask yourself if the SGA is doing for you what you need it to do? Is your voice being heard? Are you being fully represented? Whether you are a member of the SGA or not, having your voice heard and having an impact on campus requires some sort of active participation. Think about what you want from your SGA. Find out who your representatives are and speak with them. Learn what the major issues are and help be part of the solution.

With the upcoming election, you have the opportunity to continue to take steps in the right direction. Now is the time when the students must assert their stake in the decision making process on campus, and the SGA is a mechanism that has already been established to help you do so. I urge you not to miss this opportunity, for it is as Coelho eloquently states: “When we postpone the harvest, the fruit rots, but when we post pone our problems, they keep on growing.”

Thank you again everyone for your time and support. It has been quite the honor and experience serving as SGA President. If anyone has any questions or comments feel free to contact me.

To the Seniors graduating this year, it’s been a wonderful journey these past four years and I look forward to witnessing the many great things that will come out of this group.

Tanyán glá yo, pilamayaye matakuyapi!

All the best,

Toka ci' Wayata Hokshila

Bobby Joe Smith III

What did you think? Just from reading this e-mail, I get a feeling that this guy is plain amazing.

Day 19: Anyway the Wind Blows

Feeling somewhat wise
It's 0' Celsius outside and snowing a lot
I'm inside the Main Library, using the computer
I'm also eating Skittles

Notice: I've now decided to start using slightly inappropriate words whenever the need rises for me to stress certain feelings or emotions. If you don't like it, then don't read it.

One has to truly confront his heart and ask himself: how do you want your life to be for the next four years?

Even though I've been here for what, 18 days in Middlebury College, it feels like everything is going to be pretty repetitive for the next four years of my life here in Middlebury, Vermont. And I'm not saying I'm going to do the same things over and over. I'm saying the community is kind of like that, in a sense.

So. Middlebury College.

School starts on Monday, and for the whole five days until Friday, you work your a-- off, because the classes are so difficult and the professors love pouring homework assignments over you. At the best, you get to go to bed at around 10~12 PM if you have mastery over procrastination. If you still procrastinate, then it's time to kiss your a-- goodbye, because you'll most probably be sleep deprived for the next few years. And I'm part of the majority of the student population here on campus who do not get a lot of sleep.

Anyway, so what happens when Friday classes are over?

You guessed it; it's party time.

People who enjoy drinking drink their a--es off, for a variety of personal reasons.

People who enjoy dancing dance to their joy, and people who want to get together with a girl (or a guy) do so willfully.

And there are people who drink past their limits, because they want to do certain things that would make them feel good (or better), all the while lying to themselves that they will not be held accountable for their actions whilst being drunk.

Or maybe some people make their minds tell their hearts that it is good to be drunk because being so allows them to do certain things that are not possible to do when one is sober.

Apart from that, the party scene lasts until Sunday morning, and everything starts all over again , as Middlebury students rush to finish their homework.

I'm not being pessimistic or negative or anything like that. I'm just observing and analyzing and trying to think.

Starts all over. On and on.

That's the typical week of a typical Middlebury student at the Middlebury College in Vermont, USA. And it's so f---ing funny how so many people love to think that they are not typical.

One has to truly confront his heart and ask himself: how do you want your life to be for the next four years?

Day 12: Singles Awareness Day

Feeling worried
Listening to Je te veux - Erik Satie
It's -5' Celsius outside
I'm inside my room using my roomie's MacBook

As everyone in the world knows, days like Valentine's and Christmas Eve are not good holidays for singles.

Happy Singles Awareness Day.

Apart from that, it's starting to get a tad warmer here in Vermont. A lot of the snow and ice have melted, and you can see a lot of grass! Yay.

Yesterday, I also went to a super huge supermarket called Shaw's and it was the most amazing thing I have ever seen in the States. Below the item prices, a tag was there to show customers that the possession of a Shaw's reward card will benefit them with premium discounts.

So, I dropped my basket and ran to the service counter.

"Hi, do you know how I can get a reward card?" I asked to the elderly lady behind the counter.

"Yep, just write down your name and address," she replies instantaneously.

She hands me a pen and a post-it note.

I write down my name and school address, which I have successfully memorized by now. It feels very good to memorize personal information :)

"Alright, done." I hand her the post-it. She gives me a Shaw's reward card.

I stand there somewhat amazed, because all it took was my name and address.

"That's it?" I ask her with amazement painted over my face.

The woman laughs, "Yes, do you want me to make it any harder?"

"Hahaha, no, that will be fine. Thanks." We both laugh, and I take off to find a few groceries in the wonderful supermarket.

PS: I think I like French songs. They sound so romantic.

Day 8: Names

Feeling dark
Listening to Gim Bum Soo - Bogoshipda
It's 3:56 AM and it's -8' Celsius outside
I'm inside the Wonnacott hall lounge room with a friend's MacBook

I must have met at least a hundred and fifty students and exchanged names, but I can remember less than half of them, sadly.

It's interesting how you can recogize so many faces but not remember much - sometimes almost none - detail about the individual.

And I call myself "Thailand". People remember it better than "Bobin".

Some interesting nicknames I've been given are: Bo, Boobin, Thai-guy, and last but not least, "fag in poverty" by one individual.

Race and ethnicity is an issue in our society, but I guess class is too, it seems.

Another funny incident just happened earlier this evening, when this freshman was walking around the hallway exclaiming "F---ing Febs! F---ing Febs!" until I walked out of the lounge and just stared. He went back inside his room with his girlfriend and things got quiet again.

Oh, and us Febs can't give people dirty looks because people ignore us for being the Febs.

This is more humor material than anger material, if you ask me.

Day 6: First Day of Classes

Feeling more confident

Listening to the quietness

It's 11:48 PM and probably -10' Celsius outside

I'm inside the Main Library

This is my sixth day at Middlebury College, and I had my first day of classes.

Last night, there was a party only for the first-year Feb students and the Feb orientation leaders. The usual: drinks, dancing, and music.

And there is a ...hilarious(?) tradition for the Midd students here. Whenever this specific song goes off, everyone takes their shirt off. And the Feb leaders taught us this. Soooo funny(?). I have no idea what the song is, yet. Hence, I'm an international student.

I woke up today exactly at 9:00 AM, which is five minutes before Calculus II starts.

Somehow, I made it there on time.

Breakfast was good.

Then I had my first-year seminar, a writing-intensive course required for all first-years, called Energy, Environment, and Climate (EE&C). A very interesting environmental science-based course, taught by a professor named Richard Wolfson. Very cool guy, all excited about physics and environmental science.

We're learning about carbon footprints right now. Carbon footprint is a calculated sum of carbon emissions and greenhouse gases released into the air by either an individual, corporation, event, or product.

And my Calculus teacher wants us to cruise through 6 chapters in two days. And we have homework for all that, too. And we have a syllabus that lists all the homework for the semester. Sigh.

Not having a laptop just sucks.

Not having a cellphone makes it even worse.

Not being able to make off-campus calls from your dorm phone kinda puts nice, juicy icing on top of that.

Crash landing pt II

Feeling more comfortable with my 2012.5 classmates
Listening to my own breathing (how interesting)
It's 2:02 AM, cloudy, and -12' Celsius outside
I'm inside Battell 211

First and foremost, again, I am doing fine. Not superbly, but just okay. Settling in and adjusting to this new American environment is still difficult, and I think it will take me a while to get used to it.

Anyway. My experience of Middlebury started with the Feb (short for February semester) orientation on Thursday (February 5).

It was a jam-packed schedule, but I think the sleep deprivation was worth every moment of it. The experience overall, though very awkward and uncomfortable at times, was really fun. My February class consists of 89 students, of which 2 are international students (that includes me, but excludes 4 other students that are from Canada, because they don't count).

Basically, the orientation was completely led by about 20 sophomore Feb students, and they are an incredible bunch of Americans that are so free to be themselves in front of us first-year freshmen.

Well, since I can't sit and blog forever because I have a response paper to work on (that is due in 8 hours), I will have to give an overlay of some of the more interesting things that happened during orientation or just some plain random things :)

- I am the one of two international students in my class of 89 students. I am South Korean, and the other, Erik, is from a United World College (a.k.a. UWC) in Slovakia.
- There are more Thais in Middlebury than I expected. My mentor is a Thai freshman regular girl, who is from a UWC in Thailand. Her name is Nam or Sai Jai. My other mentor is Medhi, a very cool guy from France, and he is very popular among the international girls.
- I live in a three-floor freshman hall called Battell. Shaped in a capital E, the building is divided into two commons, Cook and Wonnacott, and has a basement where there is a lounge, a kitchen, and a TV room. The third floor is called the Nunnery because only girls live there.
- Middlebury College adopted the commons systems like Yale's. Kids would be in this commons (sort of like a "house" in Harry Potter) for two years or more. There would be residencial advisors, counselors, custodians, and I kid you not, these are really cool people. They're not like the a**holes that many people complain of in other universities.
- Middlebury is so full of nerds, geeks, musicians, linguists, overachievers, underachievers, potential leaders, and great athletes that just being in the school just feels degrading. Some people are just so talented, I sometimes feel like the admissions group made a mistake with my profile.
- The town of Middlebury is about 5-10 minutes' walk from Middlebury College. It has local businesses and one McDonald's. There's TJ Max and Hannafords, etc. They sell skating shoes, ski equipment, everything.
- Vermont is absolutely beautiful. Sometimes, you would be distracted by the entrancing landscape (possibly in almost any season).
- This whole state is green. Middlebury College has set up an initiative to lower carbon emissions to zero by the year 2016. The power plant in the college has zero carbon emissions, because it uses woodchips for power. So amazing.
- The food here is unbelievably great. It's three hundred sixty two times better than any hotel I've ever been to in my life. Probably more, but not less. Really really amazing. Please visit me sometime, and you'll get free meals! You should come here just to have great, free meals :)
- This school is very liberal-minded. There are co-ed bathrooms, which I thought were funny but use all the time.
- Oh, and last but not least, the textbooks are so expensive that I almost cried in the college bookstore.

That's pretty much it. I'm trying to find my card reader that I brought over from Korea.

Crash landing

Feeling very fobby
Listening to nothing at all
It's 12:26 PM and it's -10' Celsius outside and very windy also
I'm inside this freaking huge library

I honestly do not have any time to do anything, except take breathers between schedules during orientation week. At the same time, I am having trouble settling in.

I did not bring pillows, bedsheets, bedspreads, pillowcases, nor lots of cash.

I feel like very fobby here; my English is great but it's painfully difficult to find common ground with these people. Around 94% of the students are US passport holders, meaning they're American citizens, and it's hard to connect with them. I'm not kidding.

I think I understand what Tarin is going through now. Hang in there. I'm kind of scared, but mostly lonely from knowing that it's going to be difficult to find good friends.

Middlebury College is an extremely academically rigorous school. I think I have told some people that I can only take 4 classes (and no more) per semester. Well, I found out that these four courses (each counting up to 1 unit, and you need 36 units to graduate) amount to the 5~7 courses you might take in other universities or colleges in both difficulty, challenge, and workload.

My phone doesn't work, so I haven't been able to call anyone.

I actually believe that these four years are going to be one of the roughest times I will ever go through. Hahaha - now, UCI or even UCLA seems like a cool place to be. I'm the only Asian-Asian in my class.

Again, I have to go meet with my orientation group for lunch. I will try to update later.

Please, give me a call anytime. I would love it! My phone number is 802-443-4429. I'll try to return all voice mails, alright.